Sarah's Scribbles

The Year of Months

On Being Alone


"Society is afraid of alone though. ... But lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless, and lonely is healing if you make it."

I haven't been posting much lately due to a lack of both time and motivation (Why post if I have nothing to say?). However, I watched this video of the poem "How to Be Alone" written and performed by Tanya Davis and it inspired me.  


This poem stirred me as I feel like this is one of the must misunderstood things about me: I don't mind being alone. Dare I say I'm happy being alone? Don't get me wrong, I'm not claiming that I necessarily want to be "alone" forever, but it wouldn't be as big a tragedy to me.

"Cause if you’re happy in your head, then solitude is blessed, and alone is okay."

When I say that I'm perfectly happy not dating anyone, people often look at me with these pitiful how-sad-for-you faces like they don't believe me - because no one could possibly be happy without a romantic companion, right? The irony is: I often feel sad for them because they don't understand the joy of being your own person.

I've known many people in my life who simply cannot stand being "alone." Their identity lies in who they are dating/married to. One friend refused to end a relationship she was miserable in until she had another guy lined up. Another stays in a desolate relationship because she doesn't think she can do better. 

(She can.) 

Others spend way too much time, energy and money (in my opinion, of course) in a desperate search for the "next one" after only being single for a week or two. 

As if they can't wait to get away from themselves. As if they don't recognize their own beauty.

It's not completely their fault though, is it? Society is constantly bombarding with theses messages. Telling us to pair off. We're worth less if we aren't married by a certain age. It's embarrassing if you have to eat by yourself because that must mean no one likes you.

"You’re no less an intriguing a person when you are eating solo dessert and cleaning the whip cream from the dish with your finger. In fact, some people at full tables will wish they were where you were."

Maybe you're one of these people desperately searching for someone to complete you. Maybe you're not. Either way, I have a heart-felt wish for you: 

I wish you can make peace with yourself before attempting to find peace in someone/something else.  
I wish for you to realize you're complete on your own,
You don't need anyone to validate or condone you;
Love yourself before requiring someone else to love you.

"Take silence and respect it.
If you have an art that needs a practice, stop neglecting it,...
If your heart is bleeding, make the best of it.
There is heat in freezing, be a testament."

Note 1: I know someone's going to get pissed at me for this - as someone always does. Please note, I don't think there's anything wrong with being paired off. It can be fulfilling and wonderful. What I take issue with is the idea that you need to be paired off, as if you're miserable, worthless and useless if you're not.

Note 2: Notice I put "alone" in quotes many times. While I see Tanya Davis's poem/video as a celebration of being unattached, I take issue with the definition of alone meaning "not romantically attached." I've been single many times in my life. 

I've never been alone. 

5 comments:

I agree:) There's a big difference between wanting to be with someone because you like/love them, and wanting someone so you don't feel alone.

If you're not happy with yourself, there's no chance of being happy with somebody else. At the end of the day it's just you and your thoughts.

 

As someone who has been in a relationship for about 6 1/2 years now, I can safely say that really learning to be alone is important, whether you plan to "pair up" later or not.

I love going to movies and wandering through bookstores by myself. I've done plenty of international travel with no companions. I like the space it clears in your mind, and the lack of conversations expected, and the extra stuff you notice when you aren't paying attention to someone you are with.

I think it is a shame that people tend to divide the adult population into categories based on who is single and who is in a relationship. It reminds me of Dr. Seuss's 'Star-Bellied Sneeches.'

This video was beautiful and profound, and I love that you shared it with us. I think it cured me of my Invisible Man insecurities, because it made me realize I really don't care, and they probably aren't judging me. (Also, you are right about the 15-20 minute window. :-P )

Thank you, Sarah.

 

I knew there was a reason I liked you. :) I loved this post.

 

:-) glad you all liked it! I loved writing it.